This is something that we battle everyday. Maybe some weeks are better than others or you can even go a few months without those feelings creeping in. I’m talking about the comparison trap and how we can shift our mind from that of a victim to that of a conqueror. The key here is to stay in your own lane. Worry about yourself and less about others. Easier said than done right?
Does anyone remember this youtube video? The little girl tells her dad “Worry ’bout yo-self?” I mean could that ring any truer for feeling like you are less than, inadequate and under qualified? I think it’s important to realize we all have unique stories, talents, gifts, and callings. Once you accept that God has a really beautiful purpose for your life to can start to unpack the baggage that let’s what everyone else is doing effect the way to feel.
I’ll break down some tips and tricks to defeating jealousy. There is always more to the story…
1. It’s a heart thing! The key here it to understand what social media is to YOU and how YOU are going to use it. I’m sure you stumble across your Aunt the Oversharer or Bragging Betty who only posts about what she bought, how much money she has, or her latest vacation. We’ve seen them and we know them. (If you don’t then it might be you, haha!) Trust me, I know there is a lot of excitement around sharing your life with your family and friends. I do it, too! It says a lot about your heart the way in which you share. If you are being arrogant, it shows. If you are being genuine, it shows. The unfollow and unfriend button are necessary. Looking at your Facebook shouldn’t bring you dread or make you feel like you are “missing out”. You need to focus on your story and sharing with a good heart.
2. Authenticity over everything. It’s become more common (Thank God!) for us a mothers and women to share our trials and heaviness when we are in the trenches. It allows for people to relate to you and feel less alone. Keep doing that. I really appreciate the transparency when it comes to sharing less of your highlight reel and more of the outtakes.
3. But it’s still a highlight reel. Even with the new telling it like it is mentality comes those who chose to use it to showcase the highs.. only…which is fine. This is where stay in your own lane comes in. The way someone chooses to use Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, is quite frankly none ya business, right? If Karen wants to share 9,000 pictures of her kids that’s fine. If Susan wants to share sappy love stories about her husband, that’s fine. If YOU want to share nothing, that’s fine, too. Choosing how you want to use social media is crucial and will help you understand that we are all different, we don’t have to use it the same, and it’s totally fine. What is your business, is what you see and engage in. Like I said, unfollow and unfriend are useful tools in defeating the comparison trap.
4. You have something unique. I get it, I really do. Sometimes you feel totally beat down that you have nothing to offer, you aren’t as successful, or talented. I totally get it. I’ve heard this a few times especially in the blogging world and I think its totally applicable to life in general.
You can’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.
Wait what, I’m not as “successful” as the blogger who has been busting her rear for 6, 10 or 15 years? Sounds silly to be upset over that right?
5. Pros and Cons…but so many pros. What is it in your life that you feel inadequate in? Getting to the root of that will really open your eyes to successful ways to beat it. Learning to love yourself flaws and all, will beat it. Understanding your unique story and voice you have to share, will beat it. It could be as small as reaching out to a friend to vent and hear their take. Or making the commitment to see a therapist, there is no shame in it. I’d say to take some time to reflect about your life, the season you are in, and write down the pros. Write down what you are good at and what you have achieved. I think we could be pleasantly surprised to see everything we’ve done.
Don’t focus on the failure, celebrate the victories!
It’s totally normal to feel all of the feels sometimes. Just be aware of the very fine line between your emotions and letting someone else success determine how you feel.
I’m sure I will have more thoughts on this again but it’s just something that was weighing on me recently.